Totally Fit

I know what you're thinking. Christmas is less than a week away and we're talking fitness? But remember it's also less than two weeks away from the New Year when gym memberships reach their peak. Problem is, how many of us actually stick at it? A DVD is for life, if you have the will power of course.

One person who knows all about losing weight and will power is former Spice Girl, Mel B. When she appeared on Dancing with the Stars (which she later went on to win), more gob-smacking than her mambo skills, was her honed hour-glass figure. Totally Fit is based on a 28-day plan which Mel followed after the birth of her daughter and it is believable.

One of the first things to be noted and/or warned about in this DVD, before we get to the actual exercise, is the overwhelming presence of Mel B's breasts throughout. They are doing a whole workout of their own almost to the point where, as a woman, you'll question (as my friend did): “Is this a fitness video or a bad porno?” Some interesting camera angles suggest that the DVD was filmed by a man. That's a given. But what is Mel – self-asserted advocate of girl power – doing exactly?

Nevertheless, categorised into Warm Up, Cardio, Advanced Cardio, Arms, Legs, Bums, Tums and Cool Down, this DVD has a brilliant feature which allows you to devise your own work-out, picking from the aforementioned options and choosing the order you want to do them in. Just make sure you don't cheat and do the Warm Up, closely followed by the, erm, Cool Down – a lazy idea I had.

The workouts consist of a lot of squatting, squeezing, and crunching. Mel looks great but sweats and gets out of breath, just like you will. It's real and unlike other exercise DVDs, I found Mel's technique of choosing an exercise move and repeating it solidly for most of the routine, extremely effective. It's easy to get bored exercising, but the more reps you do, the better the toning results, in my experience.

As she's a permanent LA resident, the video is filmed by the pool of a Malibu mansion with a few of her American friends in the background doing the moves and probably struggling to understand her unshifted Yorkshirian tones. It's slightly demoralising watching Mel in Malibu, with her flowing hair and glowing tan, working out effortlessly in front of a £25m mansion, but I guess doing it in the yard of a terrace in Leeds wouldn't really work either. She does come across as a bit gobby but then hasn't she always? There's nothing like a mouthy Northerner to kick you into shape, although for some it may make you want to turn it off. My advice is to put it on mute and stick it out because it does work.

“For anyone with jubbily bits I'm going to tighten you up, make you laugh and enjoy your work-out, no matter what level of fitness you are.” She's got that right, although most of the laughing will be at her. Not that Mel isn't a perfect instructor; physically she is, but her ability to communicate with the audience is probably about as good as her solo album. Her constant chanting of the repetitions is frustrating. You're willing her to give you a little insight into why you're doing the exercises and how it will benefit, but she fails to deliver. Instead all we get is “up and down, up and down, up and down...” and unnecessary number-chanting like the chorus of a bad pop song by Steps.

There is little guidance, but on the other hand, it has to be noted that it's enjoyable to be able to get on with the exercises without a lecture. Problem is, if you're not doing them right you could do yourself an injury and Mel doesn't take this into account. On top of this, there isn't much of a soundtrack to this workout, aside from Mel's voice. Instead, awkward silences are filled with witless chat like “My hair's swinging!” and “I'm really excited!” It's as though she's still reading from the Spice Girls: the Movie script.

There's also a bizarre section on nutrition where Mel shows you how to make her “world famous army slop”, bunging some veg and chicken in a slow cooker before harking “Stephen, your tea's ready!” to her American hubby.

Despite all the panto behavior, x-rated shots and babbling, I would still recommend this work out; the reason being that its primary function of providing a routine that actually works is spot on. I just wouldn't recommend it for absolute beginners who need step-by-step instructions.

In the wider market of fitness videos, I believe it will prove to be one of the most effective. Cindy Crawford's The Next Challenge nearly gave me an asthma attack back in 1999 so I swapped her for Claudia Schiffer's Perfectly Fit. Schiffer was better although how she managed to squat and say “Don't lose your form” every 10 seconds without even a bead of sweat, was a bit dubious. Billy Blanks' Tai-Bo is also a goodie but you need a living room the size of a football pitch to have the space to perform some of his moves.

“Totally fit? You will be after working out with me.” I'd definitely agree. It's refreshing to see someone of normal statistics giving a realistic, effective work out, even if she is a bit loud, daft and boobylicious. This DVD will get you in shape, make you book a holiday to California and also develop a strange fascination with Mel's 'Bs'.

This DVD is out on Boxing Day priced £19.99 (£21.99 for the deluxe edition).