Smokers’ corner

Mark Jorgensen – the cold turkey case study
My name’s Mark and I’m 27 years-old. I’ve been a filthy smoker since the age of 20.

As a teenager, I could never understand how anyone could get addicted to smoking. Both of my parents smoked, as did a number of my friends and on occasion I would have a crafty Silk Cut stolen from my Mum or indulge in a shared Sovereign with friends on the park as we downed a bottle of Thunderbird. I’d never take it back, mind.

University was my downfall. As student binge drinking and taking on the mindset of trying to ruin my body by any means possible took full flow, I gradually found myself smoking more and more. I eventually realised that I was helplessly hooked on the sneaky little bastards.

Since then I’ve graduated to become a fairly prolific smoker and despite often defending my addiction vehemently (with a little help from lines pilfered from Bill Hicks routines), I hate it.

Tell a lie, I probably enjoy about five per cent of the occasions that I smoke - usually when drunk. The rest of the time it’s just a mix of physical dependency along with the higher ratio of my smoking , which is habitual. I don’t even want to most of the time, but I find myself doing it on autopilot anyway.

A few years ago I did quit for a whole year, cold turkey, no patches. I did it by creating a negative association in my head with the feeling that, as most smokers can probably appreciate, I would wretch when smoking habitually first thing in the morning. Every time I had the urge to smoke I would think of that same feeling. It worked. All until one night that is, when I drank myself ridiculous and frivolously tanned an entire 20 deck. I’ve never looked back.

That is, until today. While I’ve talked of quitting, I’ve never given it much more than an idle thought here and there. I arrived at work this morning and whilst still half asleep, my colleague, Smudge Jones callously hoodwinked me into agreeing to accept a challenge to quit for good. I’ve decided to throw myself in at the deep end and start by trying to go cold turkey.

So here we go. I'm tied into it and I fear that Lynda – the health and beauty editor- may assault me if I don't go through with it, plus its good for my lungs and that....

Smudge Jones – the Nicorette Inhalator case study
My name's Smudge and I’m 22 years-old. I’ve been a filthy smoker since the age of 19.

I’ve never really been anti or pro-smoking. At school, I was too interested in other pursuits to spend time trying to smoke. A white stick that you set on fire just didn’t seem worth all of the bother of lying to shop-keepers and hiding from teachers, so instead I focused my attentions on chasing girls and playing football.

My downfall came during the second year of university. The combination of splitting up with a girl who was anti-smoking and starting a new job where 20-a-day was the norm, led me to have the odd cheeky fag. I quickly descended the ladder, from non-smoker to social smoker, before becoming a fully fledged member of the club.

Another contributing factor to my life as a smoker was the introduction of the ban. As the majority of my mates were smokers, I found myself having to sit on my own more often whilst I waited for them to come back inside. No one wants to be a Billy no mates.

I tend to smoke about eight cigarettes a day and I have tried and failed to quit on numerous occasions. Over the last 12 months, I’ve had my ‘last’ cigarette on an almost fortnightly basis, yet my complete and utter lack of any will power, has meant that these efforts usually last around a day.

A few times I’ve told myself I’ll just smoke when I drink, however the habit always follows me. I’ve also tried to just smoke the cigarettes that I feel I enjoy. If I could limit myself to just one in the morning and one at night, the only two that ever bring me any kind of pleasure, I would be happy. However, after trying this on numerous occasions I just end up smoking all day.

I want to quit for a few reasons: I hate the smell, I hate the way it zaps my energy and I hate the way it makes me feel. There’s nothing worse than having a gammy throat the morning after getting too drunk and smoking about sixty fags.

Confidential’s health and beauty editor, Lynda Moyo, is spurring me on to quit with the added incentive that I’ll have the Confidential readership following my every move. I’ve managed to rope Mark Jorgensen into it too.

Luckily enough, I’ll start by attempting to do this with the aid of a Nicorette Inhalator. It looks like a tampon. Too cool.

Read next week to see how the boys’ first week off the fags has been...