A Guide To... Memory Loss

MEMORY loss - it can be something so trivial as going upstairs to get something and forgetting what it was by the time you get there. You end up having to ‘retrace your steps’ before admitting defeat and thinking “Oh God it’s happening already.”

With lifestyles more jam-packed than ever, it appears to be how we’re programmed these days. Programmed to lose our marbles.

Do yourself a favour. Step away from the medical self-diagnosis websites; memory loss is normal when it comes with ageing. It happens to us all, should that be of any consolation.

Of course, I’m not talking about not remembering the cloudy remnants of last Saturday night’s knees-up. That of course is a given. And although alcohol is a predominant element of memory loss, I’m sure we won’t be vowing to the life of a tee-total anytime soon. Besides, it’s probably a blessing that you can’t remember coming home.  

Contrary to popular belief, there isn’t a concrete age when things all start to go downhill and you end up being late for work because you forgot where you put your car keys last night. It just happens. Without warning, naturally. (N.B. Those key-finder things are a complete waste of time and money which only result in you looking and sounding like a fool as you whistle to find them.) Almost all the time, you find them in the most obvious place – in your pocket, where you left them. Remember?

It’s like when you pop over to see Gran and it’s only after you’ve drank your cuppa, she’s finally calling you by the right name instead of your brother’s or uncle’s (true story.)

So is this what we have to look forward to? If you’re going to Tesco and forgetting to buy the one thing you actually went for already it doesn’t leave you much hope for in another 20 year’s time.

And speaking of supermarkets, when will we learn not to go to the wrong car in the car park because you forgot that, actually, you have a new car now? With lifestyles more jam-packed than ever, it appears to be how we’re programmed these days. Programmed to lose our marbles.

According to scientific findings, it’s the short-term memory - the things like forgetting your keys or your boss’ birthday - which cause such problems. In other words, it’s the menial things we forget, because they’re exactly that. We don’t forget we’re married because it’s a big life event, but the date might easily slip your mind because let’s face it, there are 364 other dates to choose from. So lay off your spouse if the flowers you get are clearly from a petrol station they picked up en route home at six o’clock.

And so for the pearls (or marbles) of wisdom:

A to-do list comes in handy for deadlines, meetings and appointments if you forgot to buy a diary. Just remember to check it. It’s not worth having to endure the receptionist’s glare at the dentist when you go to reschedule the appointment you missed.

If, like my Mum, the ridiculous morning routine of “Where are my keys?” is getting tedious (after a mere thirty years) have a designated place for them - a dish or hook for example. But not, definitely not, your coat pocket, unless you’re going to check there first and actually find them first time. And never ever succumb to an internet purchase of the deadly key-finder.

And as for Gran, perhaps invest in a name badge so she’ll remember that actually, you’re name isn’t David. Providing of course, you remember to put it on when you next nip round...

Follow Laura on twitter @LaurSco

If you are worried about sudden or persistent memory loss symptoms, consult your GP.