A Guide To... Multitasking

WHEN the human body evolves in future generations, you can bet all the city-dwellers will be angled forwards 15 degrees. That’s how we walk these days, as though if our nose gets there a nanosecond before our backsides we’ve gained a crucial biological advantage.

One minute you’re brushing your teeth in the shower and doing your pelvic floor exercises at the bus stop, the next you’re breakfasting on the loo, applying deodorant on the tram and bazooka-ing that verruca in your 9 oclock meeting.

Trying to save time, as well as making us permanently narky, means that we have become adept at doing several things at once. This isn’t actually very sensible, since a Zen master would say that to get the most of life you should give every task your 100 per cent attention and a recent scientific study reveals that doing two things at once actually decreases brain activity. At least I think that’s what it said but I’m not sure because I read it while I was grouting the bathroom.

Multitasking starts innocently enough but can take on anti-social elements. One minute you’re brushing your teeth in the shower and doing your pelvic floor exercises at the bus stop, the next you’re breakfasting on the loo, applying deodorant on the tram and bazooka-ing that verruca in your 9 o clock meeting.

When kids come into the picture, time, once scarce, becomes a veritable Dodo, which is why women are the most ferocious multitaskers of all. Seriously organised mums-to-be just stock up on dry shampoo, pick one outfit that will do for pyjamas/daywear/evening dress and that’s them sorted for the next two years.

Our enthusiasm for multitasking is reflected on the shelves. These days, if you want to sell something, it helps if it does double duty.  Quite a way on from the innocent days of just wanting to ‘Wash’n’Go,’ we now want to self tan as we moisturise, learn Mandarin as we drive to work and post on Twitter whilst we do absolutely everything. Even this column comes with a built in feature that means, as you read it, its power hosing your drive. 

The shopping channels take such convenience to its extreme. Portable fabric steamer? Sure, you never know when you’re going to want to steam something on the hoof. Frameless reading glasses with LED light? I thought you’d never ask. Ten second Gazebo? Yes please. I don’t like my guests anyway.

I feel sorry for the shopping channel presenters, actually. While we’re all trying to get things done faster, they have to fight evolution and go extremely s-l-o-w-l-y, dragging out every imaginable product advantage (and some frankly unimaginable ones) with relentless excitement until, if there’s anything left to know about a cordless three-in-one swivel mop, you don’t want to know about it. (Thinking about it, they’re either enlightened beings or sociopaths, depending how you feel about a 60 minute monologue on Diamonique earrings.)

Of course, all these time-saving intentions are honorable. We just want to get things done more quickly so that we can get around to that thing that we really want to do.

Except, what is that thing we plan to take our time over?  Nobody knows. We’re too busy working to pay for the things that we buy that mean we can save time so that we can get to the thing we really want to do, that we never actually get to do the thing at all.

It’s enough to make your head spin.

So, while it’s spinning, why not stick on this attractive hat-with-disposable feather duster extensions and give that ceiling a wipe?

Follow Nicola Mostyn on Twitter @NicolaMostyn