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Is it selfish to get married abroad?
Lynda Moyo sympathises with guests heading to four weddings and a bankruptcy
Getting married abroad has become an increasingly attractive option for those of us planning a wedding. You only have to look at photographs of sun-kissed couples taking their vows in sandy seclusion to see the appeal.
By choosing destinations such as the Caribbean, couples avoid hoi polloi and endless planning, as well as picking up a tan in the process. For those invited, it can pose the dilemma of a costly trip abroad versus the expense of the couples’ happiness.
According to wedding website Confetti, 20 per cent of UK couples are now shelling out to travel to distant lands just to put a ring on it. What’s more, it would complete their idyllic day if you – friends and relatives – could join them.
But do some couples lack consideration where guests are concerned?
A wedding abroad is a way of sifting out the guests who want the full experience of the celebration from those just in it for the short haul. Too often do you see people leaving nuptials early to relieve the babysitter or let the dog out. Alternatively, they’ll just turn up in the evening to see if the free bar is still on.
By choosing destinations such as the Caribbean, couples also avoid hoi polloi and endless planning, as well as picking up a tan in the process. It’s understandable that they want to celebrate their big day, their own way.
By contrast, for those invited it can pose the dilemma of a costly trip abroad versus the expense of the couples’ happiness. They’ve invited you because they want you to be there wholeheartedly and although it will remain unspoken, they expect the feeling to be mutual. It’s about presence not presents, in this case.
Unsurprisingly, destination weddings can often be dicey in the attendance department because of the price and time involved. Confidential spoke to one anonymous reader who honoured her bridesmaid commitments by jetting off to Cuba for her best friend’s wedding last summer.
She said: “The bride was one of the first of our group of friends to get married. Me and my partner only went for the week and it cost us £1,300 each. Some of the guests went for two weeks which meant it cost £1,600 each. It definitely affected our spending for the year.
“Another set of friends are getting married abroad but we’re not going this time. We have our own wedding to save for plus other stag dos and hen parties abroad - which is a whole other issue. You have to draw the line somewhere.
“We would have liked our own wedding abroad too, as it would actually be more cost effective for us. In somewhere like Mexico, you can get a whole wedding package for about £5,000 and that includes your honeymoon, because you’re already there. That’s not bad considering the average wedding in the UK is just short of £20,000. The only thing stopping us is that it’s too much of an ask for our friends and family. It’s important to us that they’re there.”
For the majority of your nearest and dearest, the experience of your big day will, in the end, outweigh the expense of the trip. You know your guests better than anyone so ultimately it’s your decision as to whether you feel comfortable asking them to come abroad with you. It might however be a good idea to remember that like buses, weddings tend to all come at once.
As our reader concluded: “Weddings abroad are definitely the best option for the bride and groom, but the same can’t always be said for the guests. It’s definitely proving to be an expensive decade in my friendship group, that’s for sure.”
Do you think getting married abroad is selfish or do you think it’s time sunnier climes became more conventional?
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11 comments so far, continue the conversation, write a comment.
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It is beyond selfish especially in these tough economic times.
Somebody I used to work with dragged their family to Thailand but she loved herself so she didn't give a toss they couldn't really afford to indulge her ego trip.
The only upside was the pillock didn't invite me which she might have done if she had got married here.
The simple answer is to say no especially if they are only friends.
I dont think the idea is a problem when guests are given two to three years notice which ive had on a couple of occasions. Twelve months notice isnt enough in most cases as many people are limited tow one holiday per year and this would take that from them - however givin more than thwelve months would allow guests to save up and also make their own plans around the event if needs be.
I do think that it is also a good way of almost guaranteeing those negative and whiney people that you know to not turn up - especially if you give them less notice!
I'm getting married abroad for a number of reasons that I'm not going in to on here. However we have picked a european destination that is attractive to families and is somewhere that most people would actually quite like to go to.
We appreciated when booking that realistically it could be just me and him there and that is a risk we took, we've been very lucky with the turnout and I know that everyone who comes really wants to share in the joy of our day!
I'm going to a wedding in Essex at the end of the year and the hotel that they have suggested is £180 per night, the wedding is at 11 so it's necessary to have 2 nights accommodation, so with petrol etc this is actually costing as much to attend as 2 have my guests have paid to come out to our wedding and have two days in the sun.
Getting married is a mugs game anyway. you may as well kill yourself instead.
My sister was planning a 'dream' wedding in the USA - and she didn't want any children to attend. My dad said if she went ahead with such a selfish and miserable arrangement she'd be paying for it herself and he wouldn't be going. She married in a local church with everyone including the family's children in attendance.
I, my dad and many other male guests made it to City v Blackburn for the 3pm kickoff.
Surely if you invite people to your wedding but choose to have it abroad you would pay for them? If you cant afford to do that than people who are genuinely important to you perhaps cannot come. In which case and you are too selfish too selfish to stay here then go abroad by yourselves marry in front of strangers you never meet again and provide them with a good drink for taking their time out for you.
I think the bride's mother should be consulted first instead of just pretending you're going on holiday!
ANON - You went to a footie match after your sister's wedding, with your Dad and some of the guests?
That's not selfish is it.
It's only selfish if the couple expect other people to come - I'm getting Married abroad this year, planned to do a UK wedding but the escalating costs and family interference and friction caused (we had a "no unknown plus 1's" rule, went down like a sack of hot shit) lead us to change our minds and do what we want, not them.
We're doing it alone and are happy to do do, we'll just have something in the UK when we get back for close friends and family.
I'll refer to the economy too - not prepared to get into debt to feed a bunch of people I've never even met, just to keep distant relatives happy - I do however think it is a bit selfish when people insist people attend far away weddings, or stag do's / hen parties abroad, there's a fine line between not letting other people take over, and taking other people into consideration.
I got married in Spain because I refused to pay over the odds for the crap you get in the UK! As Abroad bride states this meant most people could attend since the majority came for a long weekend. (The shortest stay being 1 night).
We had a proper church do with reception and entertainment however the standard was much higher than if we had paid the same money at home.
It was very interesting to see who came and who didn't, particulary as my husband's great aunt managed to get on a plane for the first time ever at the age of 81! We ended up with 70 people, oh and I had my hen do in Leeds.
To ask the question is getting married abroad selfish, is missing the point.
A wedding day is about what the two parties want - if that means going abroad, then that is what they want and is not selfish at all.
To expect others to come without considering the lead time, location and cost/ability to pay, would be selfish but they might not want anyone else to come.
A wedding day is meant to be one of the happiest days of our lives - we should do what we want to do, not what suits other people.