Online Dating Investigated

THERE was a time when people met, married and lived happily ever after, perhaps. Dating today follows quite a different pattern, focused more and more on the virtual world and, like any other technology, constantly changing.

After regular dating, came speed dating (which is still used in conjunction with many online dating services), and then online dating. Next comes mobile dating apps, then who knows?

One online dater said: “Any guy who says he is 5"7 is actually 5"5. Always.”

One study says the world dating market is now worth more than a stunning $4billion annually, and that 17 per cent of UK couples who have recently married, met online. Does this point to a virtual, sanitised dating scene? Or people keeping up with technology and creating new social norms?

What types of dating sites are available?

Being young and without any firsthand experience of online dating I had a lot of research to do, and was staggered by the vast range of dating services. There is an online dating site for everyone.

There are sites for urban or rural dwellers, parents or those looking for friendship, a casual relationship, a lasting relationship or one night of pleasure, those for specific locations, age ranges, ethnicities and even married people, with a split between those with complex scientific matching and those without.

By far, the most surprising site I found, even more surprising than Tee Fore Two (aimed exclusively at golfers), was Be Discreet. The site is for married people looking for affairs or extramarital relationships, and ambitiously claims ‘you won't be caught cheating at this discreet dating service!’

The online dating industry is no longer limited to just online dating sites either. There are review sites for the dating sites, sites offering advice for online daters, online dating site builders and expert consultants who offer to coach daters and tailor their profiles. There are even sites for people to share their bad date experiences, not surprisingly given some of the stories.

How does online dating actually work?

Most sites offer free membership, but these don’t tend to offer a lot. To do things such as message other users, it’s often necessary to pay, with membership fees varying wildly from around £10 to £35 per month.

The more expensive sites tend to be those offering scientific matches, such as eHarmony or Match Affinity which ask a huge range of probing questions like ‘aside from any children you or a new partner may already have, would you like to start a new family by having or adopting a baby?’ (eHarmony) and use complex algorithms to match people.

Other sites take different approaches. OK Cupid calculates people’s compatibility on the basis of their answers to a range of questions, more like quizzes than a survey. Questions such as ‘if you had to name your greatest motivation in life thus far, what would it be?’, ‘how often do you keep your promises?’ and ‘politically, which are more important to you right now?’ Singles can select the answers they will accept from other members.

It’s reminiscent of all of the tedious, yet compelling quizzes that appear on non-dating related social networking sites and is certainly more interesting than all of the subjective and personal questions asked by the surveys on sites which use psychoanalysis and algorithms to match members.

While critics dislike the less than romantic methods of such sites, there could be something to the scientific processes. EHarmony claims to be responsible for almost 5 per cent of marriages in the United States. But ultimately, the method of matching may not be the key attraction of dating sites.  

When asked what made them use a particular site, one online dater said ‘Purely based on what's on offer that month. I choose each site based on the amount of hot men on at that time!’

How honest are dating profiles?

There were lots of stereotypes I was keen to investigate too, the first being dishonesty in people’s profiles. Studies have found that weight, age and build are the most frequent things lied about. One online dater (Yolanda), said, “the only lie I encountered was always the same thing: any guy who says he is 5"7 is actually 5"5. Always”.

Another was the age range of online daters. Admittedly, I was surprised to find so many users on a number of sites are well under the age of 30. While the average age of an online dater sits around 48, there are whole sites dedicated to the under forties, and one study has found that while many online daters are over 40, but looking for someone under 40. Online dating no longer requires staying home, hauled up in front of a computer. Since 2008, the volume of Google searches on mobile devices related to dating has grown 215 per cent year on year, helping dating sites to tap into a younger market.

What makes people go for online dating?

Yolanda said it was the appeal of “new people and a new scene, and an easy way to meet people”. Having browsed some different sites, it seems those targeting urban professionals in particular have lots of users from other regions or countries. For people without a long established network of friends and family in one place I suppose online dating does make a lot of sense. Likewise, there are sites which target groups, such as single parents who may not have the time to go out and meet so many people.

Unlike Yolanda, my second case study, Jane Carroll’s experiences matched up pretty well with the negative image of online dating. Having initially been introduced to online dating by a friend who put her on My Single Friend, she was immediately put off by having to “do all the work”, trawling through profiles, sitting at home looking at men online she found “weird, desperate and without romance”.

The whole process was made worse when the same (seemingly desperate) men started cropping up on several sites. Worse still is Jane’s experience on a date where the man didn’t get too far through the meal before asking if she minded that he was married - an obvious problem and enough to put anyone off online dating.

What's next?

Jane Carroll had such a negative view of online dating she’s invested in a new and altogether different type of online dating service. Meddler, a ‘set-up’ service, will be online with an iPhone app and aims to cut out the trawling, instead working on people setting up their friends.

Why? Well all the negative online dating stereotypes and experiences speak for themselves. This new idea is a safe way to introduce people and, as Jane says, “set ups are fun”. It will allow people, if they come across someone, perhaps a friend of a friend, who they think is a great match for a single friend to take a picture or send their Facebook profile to their friend and set the pair up.

There’s an online dating site for everyone, and everyone’s doing it so it would seem. So much so, it leaves one to wonder where we’ll be in a few more year’s time. Reading each other’s QR codes in nightclubs? Sending each other digitised vitals? Getting married online? Doesn’t seem entirely impossible.