Want to get your own way?

My clients come from all walks of life, ages and social backgrounds but there are always common themes that crop up. ‘Loss of focus, where is my life going?’ ‘confidence – it’s slipping away year by year’ and ‘I never seem to get my own way’. Not in a Verruca Salt kind of way but in an ‘I never seem to get that lucky break, the job I really wanted or the partner I really fancied’ way.

Do you know someone who is incredibly persuasive? Someone who is effortlessly charming, charismatic, and always seems to land on their feet. We are drawn to them.

When you feel like this, it’s completely normal to compare yourself to others who you perceive as having all the things you want, and are the person you would love to be.

Do you know someone who is incredibly persuasive? Someone who is effortlessly charming, charismatic, and always seems to land on their feet. We are drawn to them. And their secret?

It’s called the art of persuasion and it can be learnt by anyone. Here are my top 3 tips that (with practice) with help you become a more charismatic and persuasive communicator, in both your personal and professional life...

1. Be a good listener
Sounds simple but there is a huge difference between hearing someone and really listening to them. I’m not suggesting you sit there mute and allow everyone you come into contact with to off load all their thoughts onto you, but if you become more skilful in this area, it won’t go unnoticed.

Think of someone you know who isn’t a good listener…. aren’t they frustrating? How do you feel about that person? If someone really dismisses what we are saying it has a belittling effect. We can then shy away, emotionally close down and feel very angry towards them. To persuade someone you really need to hear what they are saying. Re-iterating what you have just heard (proving to them, they have been heard) is so important, as is maintaining eye contact and not interrupting. How annoying is it when someone interrupts us. Try counting the times during the day, when you interrupt others. Now, aim to half it, at the very least. This can be difficult; it takes concentration and alertness.

It pays good dividends to be a good listener, it can establish you as a friend and that can be very helpful, not only in personal relationships but business relationships too.

2 . Smile
You will be perceived as more sincere, sociable and attractive too. When you smile it allows the other person to feel you are happy, in control and confident. If you look stern, angry or solemn people are more likely to avoid you. The importance here thought is a genuine smile – one that emanates warmth. The key is to smile with your eyes rather than just your mouth; it illuminates your whole face and is highly infectious.

Life coach, Jude Vause-Walsh

Do you ever avoid chatting to a friend or someone in the office because they are always miserable or moaning? In contrast, do you get a buzz from someone who is always smiling, up-beat and positive? Those are the people we are drawn to physically and emotionally so become one – now. It will become easier to bring people round to your way of thinking.

3. Remember details
Ever had anyone call you by the wrong name? It’s embarrassing. Yes, it’s very easily done but it makes you feel very insignificant to that person. Do you have a friend who always remembers your birthday and you haven’t seen them for years? It’s impressive, makes you feel good and like them even more. They have taken the time to remember something that is important to you. It’s flattering. Start to remember details about others. Birthdays, foods they like, names of their children etc. This is particularly helpful when forging relationships in either personal or business situations too. A good technique is to keep a notebook filled with the little details you pick up and remember. The best way to remember a name is to repeat it back to them when you are introduced. Put a picture with their name, that’ll help later recall too.

So there you are, three simple tips to help you on your way to becoming a more effective communicator, more charming in the company of others and more persuasive in any area of your life. Have I persuaded you to try all three tips? Well, I am smiling as I’m writing this for you, if that helps.

For more information on The Happy Mum, please visit www.thehappymum.co.uk

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